A definite improvement over the first mock-up.
I'm still not sure about the neckline and armhole though. The armhole starts about where the top edge of a bra would sit, so lower than a regular armhole, but maybe that's where it's supposed to be. To be certain the neckline was OK I skipped underthings (not possible with the first mock-up) and I guess it's alright since I think it's supposed to be low. The shoulder straps are sitting better, but I'm wondering if I should bump them in another quarter inch. I don't think I need the extra length to the tabs so I'll knock off a bit. Now the back view.
Not bad. From the back it's easy to see the distance between the the arm and armhole. I made the shoulder straps longer, but still not long enough. I think it's pulling in at the top because the straps aren't tied in place. To be sure I'll make longer straps and do another try-on.